I think I have managed to feel every emotion possible since waking up today. Today was Speech day for Teague. He has been doing well with Robin and you can tell he has really been trying, that is until today. He didn't make a sound, unless you could screaming and crying a sound. He was loud, but not really trying to communicating what he wanted. He also refused to use the few signs that he knows. It was beyond frustrating, but at the same time, Robin was able to see what he is typically like at home. When he wanted something, he jimmied the child proof locks on the toy drawers. If he wanted something opened, he would throw it at Robin or hit it on the floor. Robin is wonderful and patient, more patient than me. She told me that although Teague is severely delayed, there is hope he can catch up within a years time.
After this disappointment that was speech, it was so nice to hear that someone whom I care about deeply is doing well. I won't go more into it, I know she is going to read this and know she was in my thoughts all day.
Then this afternoon, I had the opportunity to meet with our Congressman's office to discuss Tricare benefits, ECHO and respite. I never would have thought that I would be doing something like that, but I have to say I am happy I did and hopeful the issues my fellow EFM families are dealing with will get resolved...eventually.
Hailey has been doing so well at school. She is two weeks in and she has already learned so much. She has taken to reading like it is going out of style. I am so proud of her, but there is so much guilt that comes along with that pride. I find myself questioning whether Hailey is so far ahead because I was able to spend so much more time with her as a child and Teague is so behind because he doesn't get that same attention.
How can I forget about Teague and my coffee. This is when grateful comes in. Teague grabbed my cup of coffee (the monkey stood on a drum so he could reach over the babygate into the kitchen) and spilled it all over himself. I am not grateful for that, but rather that he was unhurt and I was able to call a friend that would calm me down and let me know what to watch for. Disappointment soon followed as I was supposed to be going over to one of my favorite people in the World's house and he and I were in no shape to go.
Josie was just down here even though it is hours past her bedtime. I could hear that all too familiar breathing before she even rounded the corner to the living room. I had planned on getting more Albuterol on Tuesday when the kids see the ped since we are very low, I hope we make it until then. I was able to give her a breathing treatment and the wheezing lessened. So because I am that type of person, I am debating if I should shower now in case we need to go to the doctor at a moments notice or wait until morning. I have found you get treated better when the doctors can't smell you from across the room. It sounds like such an odd thing to debate, but with Quent being gone, I worry that if I shower now, Josie will wake up again and since she is such a little zombie when she wakes up, she wouldn't think to check the shower, panic and make things worse. And if I wait until morning, there is a good chance that I will be smelled by doctors far before they can see me. This is when the loneliness kicks in the most; when I can't turn to Quent and ask him how terrible does my hair really look or if he could keep an extra ear on the kids while I hope in the shower and get the "just in case" bag ready. One would think that I would have that all set to go, but since I always forget that we are out of diapers or thickener packets, that is the first place to get raided.
You may be wondering how often I forget that we are out of diapers. Honestly, every time we finish a box. We have had some doozies as far as make shift diapers are concerned. After Teague was born, Josie was still in diapers and I forgot she didn't have any. Supplied with hospital grade maxi pads, the wonderful mesh panties and some duct tape we were saved for the night. Thank goodness she wasn't in pull-ups, that thing wasn't going anywhere.
And here comes happiness and love. I have decided to rock a dirty ponytail if I need to leave the house, make sure that I am not visibly dirty with the use of wet wipes and watch Burlesque. I am sure that isn't the normal feelings associated with that movie, but when I saw this movie in the theater I was able to go with my sister and my mom last Thanksgiving. The last time that we were together for something other than a funeral was four years ago. Although I talk to them both all the time (I credit them with my sanity), it was just so nice to be able to do something as simple as go to the movies with them.
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