One little word

When Hailey was a toddler, she was tested for developmental delays. At 13 months she wasn't talking, didn't respond to her name being called and was not walking normally. I remember the week leading up to the test I didn't eat or sleep. I probably shouldn't have drove to that appointment. I was a wreck. Her tests revealed that chronic ear infection had affected her hearing and balance and simple placement of tubes would help her hear and everything else fell into place.

Fast forward to today. Teague finally was seen by the developmental pediatrician.  Last night I got the best sleep I have had in months because I knew what was going to be said today.

Autism

How can one little word make your heart stop, give you determination unlike you have ever felt, scare the shit out of you and give you an odd peace all at once?

It was truly no surprise. I have had a gut feeling since just after he was 18 months old, but in that moment I had to fight the urge to tell the doctor she were wrong. Did she not see how smart my little boy was? How he was loving in his own way? Then it hit me, having Autism doesn't mean he isn't smart, it doesn't mean he isn't loving. He is the same little boy today that he was last week, still smart, still loving and still a bit naughty.

That one little word will mean more therapies, different approaches to problems, and teaching the girls (and others) a bit more compassion and understanding. Thankfully I won't be walking this path alone. I am blessed to know several amazing people that are Autism parents. I will gladly take on this new role as an Autism mom, because I wouldn't change a thing about Teague. He is perfect the way he is.


A letter to my son:

Oh Bubby, it seems life has thrown us another curve ball. But together, with determination and probably a fair amount of cussing from me, we will make it work. It won't be easy, but this is my promise to you:

• I promise that I will fight to give you every opportunity to succeed.
• I promise to walk beside you through life, ready to guide you and help you up should you stumble. 
• I promise to let you fall at times, just like I do with your sisters. We learn best from our mistakes and I want you to learn all that life has to offer.
• I promise to never let you fall too far. 
• I promise to tell you I love you several times of day and wait patiently for you to learn the words to say it back. Until then, I will gladly accept the occasional  "yeah" in response.
• I promise to make other see you as the person you are rather than a diagnosis. 
• Lastly, I promise to do my best. I know I won't be perfect so please be patient with me and know I am trying. 

I love you,
Mama